Caligula's Armageddon
by allicherrycoke
Summary: When Sollux's girlfriend died, it took him months of therapy and medication to get back into school. Now, some jerk runs into him in the hallway and blames him? Eridan tries his hardest to make his way around school, but everyone is so... common. Erisol; rated M for sexual themes, language, and some violence; college AU. Multitude of other ships.


It was unnecessarily cold outside today. The bitter wind nipped at your nose and fingertips and ears. It was one of those days where you bet all day long that it would start raining; it didn't. On this particular day, a certain computer geek was making the trek across the crunching, frozen dead grass to get to his anatomy and physiology class. He didn't want to chance being late and endure the embarrassment of the entire lecture hall staring at him as he made his way to his seat. As this thought crossed his mind, he unconsciously picked his pace up. He went as fast as his tan messenger bag laden with books and his atrocious posture would allow.

The warning bell rang as he barely made it to the entrance of the building, signalling he had one minute to walk down the hallway, arrive at his classroom, and slide into his seat on time. His feet pushed even farther ahead, their pace quickening until he nearly broke out into a run. He was five feet from his class door when the doorway adjacent to him flung open and a scholar rushed out, ramming hard into the computer programmer's shoulder.

"Watch it, fuckwad!" he called behind him, continuing his march to his class whilst massaging his aching shoulder. He just made it into the class and touched the backs of his knees to his chair when the final bell rang, signalling the beginning of class.

This computer geek's name was Sollux Captor, a technology genius on full-ride scholarship at his college for his abilities in anything electronic. He had just turned twenty two and life had been uneventful up until four months ago, when his girlfriend of eight months died in a car accident. He since had to go to counselling and only just convinced his psychiatrist that he was ready to continue his education.

The professor at the front of the class finally rose from their desk with a flourish and glided to the center of the lecture area in front of the board. Ne turned and wrote on the top corner of the board the word "Cal" and turned back around, flashing a wide grin. Ne bowed deeply and finally spoke, nir voice melodic and twinkling, with a child-like ring to it.

"Hello, everyone! My name is Cal. You may either address me as Cal, Professor Cal, or Professor. Nothing else, understand? I hope you enjoy having me as your new teacher," with another wide, gleaming smile, Professor Cal strode back to nir desk and picked up a large stack of books, dropping one on every student's work space. "These will be your workbooks and textbooks this year. These are the only set you will be provided with free-of-charge, so please take care of them," again, the unsettling smile appeared.

Sollux scowled and turned to look out the window, watching the trees bend and sway in the harsh winds. After introductions, class went slowly and involved many unnecessary pleasantries and unsettling smiles, and no real information. Before long, the bell rang and Sollux threw his work into his bag before hopping up and exiting the classroom as swiftly as possible.

Once out in the hallway, he wasn't really cognizant of his surroundings, for once again he ran into someone. This time the force caused both people to stumble and the other student's schoolwork fell out of their hands and onto the tile around Sollux. The other student cursed and Sollux looked up to apologize, taking in an obnoxious, blue knitted scarf, striking amaranthine eyes, and black and purple skunk-stripe hair along the way.

"oh, I didn't see you. I'm really-" before he had a chance to apologize, the other man cut him off.

"Yeah, savve it, asswwipe. You ran into me earlier, too. You're a real asshole, you knoww that?" the man seethed and Sollux stood there, dumbfounded and slack-jawed. The man seemed unaware that his speech impediment showed, or uncaring, because he seemed to slip his v's into w's and double his w sounds. Sollux would have made fun of him for it if he wasn't already stricken speechless. He bent down and tried to collect the papers, but the other man snatched them out of his hand with a sneer of disgust, "Don't you dare touch my stuff. Fuck off," and with that he dropped to the floor, picking up the rest of his school work without another glance at Sollux. Sollux stood there for a moment before walking off to the common area, too stunned and calmed on medication to be properly enraged.

As he strode across the freeze-dried turf of the campus to the main common area, his mind wandered at break-neck speed about the hipster-looking guy he saw in the hallway. He hadn't been going to this college for more than two years, but he was highly positive he had never seen him around campus before. He needed to talk to somebody and let out his emotions. He was trying to remember who didn't have a class right now that he knew of, and, of those people, who he was friends with and where they would be. Suddenly, his stomach let out a mortifyingly loud rumble. He changed his course and headed to the campus coffee shop to pick up something to eat and possibly refill his caffeine tank which was running low.

He entered the coffee shop silently, setting his bag down on a nearby bar and slouching over to the counter. He lifted a finger to the curvy, short haired girl with glasses behind the counter, and when she walked over, he ordered.

"I want a cup of tea with honey, a chocolate chip muffin, and a club with ham and cheddar," he fished his wallet out of his pocket and set a twenty on the counter. The girl picked it up and rang up his order, calling out the order to the "cook", a tall, lanky kid with a mop of unruly black hair and lidded eyes, while handing the change back to Sollux. He nodded a thanks and glanced at her name tag, which read "Crocker" in loopy, red ink before stepping back to his seat and slouching into the chair.

He pulled out his phone and sent out a group text to his friends.

TA: ok guy2, can 2omebody come two the coffee 2hop?

TA: ii need two talk, a2ap.

CG: LISTEN, DOUCHE, I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF AN IMMENSELY BORING CLASS RIGHT NOW AND MY THINKPAN CANNOT BE BOTHERED WITH YOUR DELIRIOUS SHIT.

TA: then why diid you an2wer?

CG: FUCK YOU, LOWLIFE FUCKING SCUMBAG WITH NO SCRUPLES OR SELF ESTEEM.

GC: G33Z K4RK4T WHY 4R3 YOU SUCH 4 J3RK

TA: guy2, 2hut the fuck up.

TA: 2hut

TA: the

TA: fuck

TA: up

TA: ii don't want you two fliirtiing when ii am dii2tre22ed and need 2omeone two talk two.

GC: 1 4M COM1NG

GC: L4T3R

TA: fuckiing je2u2.

GA: Hello Sollux If You Require Companionship I Am Available

TA: great, coffee 2hop. now

Sollux sighed heavily and hung his head down, about to lay his head in his arms when the lanky guy came over, carrying his sandwich and tea. A carefree smile danced across the man's face as he took his time to set the food and drink down on the table.

"Now, you all up and have a miraculous day, motherfucker," he waved his hand in a downward motion at Sollux as he walked back to the kitchen of the coffee shop.

Sollux nibbled here and there at his sandwich and nursed his tea like a hungover man to his aching head. He didn't look up until a tall, pale woman in a black and green blouse and red floor-length skirt sat in the chair opposite him. She wore black lipstick, had short, black hair, and had an overall elegant demeanor.

"Hello, Sollux. How are you fairing? Not well, I assume."

"Hi, Kanaya. Well, on top of nearly being late to... firtht period," he winced at his lisp, "thome random dickmunch ran into me twithe and had the nerve to do an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle at _me _for it," he huffed and took a large gulp of tea while Kanaya hummed in acknowledgement and nodded slowly.

"Fucking hipthter with hith thtupid fucking glatheth and thcarf," at this remark, Kanaya lifted a delicate eyebrow in curiosity. She clasped her hands together on the table and inhaled deeply before speaking.

"You wouldn't happen to be speaking of a certain Eridan Ampora, would you?"

"I don't know the guy'th name. He wath a douche. That'th all I know." Sollux took a bite out of his sandwich before resolving his decision of plotting revenge upon the jerk who tried to humiliate him in front of the entire hall. _That fucker's gonna pay, big time._


End file.
